i didnt get this way by eating too many apples...

you know when you were a kid on the playground and you loved to spin around and around with your arms way out feeling how good it was to be alive and feel the wind in your sails?...well, when youre an adult, its like that, but to me its like a personal vacation from my life. i spin and spin (not ACTUALLY, this is a metaphor or something) and then i get that really good feeling right before i hit the ground or something close by, stopping me. it seems the only way to stop spiralling out of control is to smack right into something. i guess its that old saying "you have to hit rock bottom before you can make your way to the top". i feel this right now. ive not stopped my (probably emotional eating) spiral yet, but i for some reason can still enjoy that feeling of the lack of control. i know i will have to hit rock bottom sometime soon. i want to. how far off the course do i have to get to make myself come back and gain control?